UK Muslims are increasingly starting to use online matrimonial sites to supplement their search for a spouse. It’s not surprising that this is the case with many Muslims finding the traditional avenues a little frustrating.
As with most things in life there are advantages and disadvantages with the online match making option. If you are thinking of going online to find your perfect spouse then do read our code of conduct guide below which aims to equip you on how best to approach your online search and guide you on how to keep it halal when your attempt to fulfil half your deen an complete your family the online way.
The Mature Muslim Matrimony Code of Conduct:
We, at Mature Muslim Matrimony.com are dedicated to providing a bespoke and reliable service for our members. We want each and every user to get the very best experience from their membership. However to achieve this we need our members to display certain etiquettes. Some of these etiquettes are listed below and form The Mature Muslim Matrimony Code of Conduct.
When starting your search on an online matrimonial site always remember to conduct yourselves in a mature, dignified & Islamic manner. The quest for marriage is a massive endeavour do try to always start it in the best possible way.
- Remember Allah (SWT) is aware of everything you do:
Ultimately it is best to remember that Allah (SWT) is always aware of what we do. Allah (SWT) knows our actions online and offline and our intentions behind each and every action. If we are sincere then Allah (SWT) will bless you with a pious partner who will be the coolness of your eyes.
- Be Serious & Keep the right intention:
It may be an obvious thing to say but having the right and serious intention is paramount. In Islam pre-marital relationship or dating is not allowed; therefore before joining any site or service your intention must be solely for marriage. Do remember that other users of online matrimonial sites are on the site for marriage and you can potentially mislead and deceive genuine users of the site, this is unfair and against the Islamic ethos.
- Be Honest
If you feel someone is not for you then be direct and just say, thank the person for the interest and move on. Likewise if someone has expressed that you are not the one then thank them and move on.
Always be honest in all your communications with others members. Always list the points which make you unique and also ones which you feel you need improving on. If anything this whole process should make you a better person in-Sha-Allah.
‘Abdullah reported Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) as saying: It is obligatory for you to tell the truth, for truth leads to virtue and virtue leads to Paradise, and the man who continues to speak the truth and endeavours to tell the truth is eventually recorded as truthful with Allah, and beware of telling of a lie for telling of a lie leads to obscenity and obscenity leads to Hell-Fire, and the person who keeps telling lies and endeavours to tell a lie is recorded as a liar with Allah.
Honesty should be maintained throughout the entire search process as honesty and goodness can only lead to goodness. Via our online (& Offline) interactions we can ultimately highlight and solve all those bad practices which unfortunately exist today in the marriage process. Too often the marriage process is akin to selling a car, where we can become a little creative with the good points and simply fail to list the points which may need improving on. It should never be this way.
- Keep your expectations real and Islamic
Unfortunately sometimes we find that our expectations are too high or completely unreal somewhat. We are all guilty of this but it is our responsibility to ensure that our expectations are realistic and based on the Quran & Sunnah.
Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or for her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!”
As the above hadith demonstrates the fact that a marriage based on goodness, religiousness and honesty will always be better for a believer.
One must always look for more than the obvious characteristics like height, weight, looks, or salary etc. for when we are searching for a spouse. Always look for the one who will help you grow spiritually and help you fulfil your deen and the one who will make the best parent to your children – in-sha-Allah.
- Always show respect
Narrated AbuHurayrah (May Allah be pleased with him):The Prophet (ﷺ) said: The most perfect believer in respect of faith is he who is best of them in manners.
Politeness and good manners is always necessary in dealing with other people. When dealing with potential or future spouse it is paramount. Do try to show respect in all your dealings with other people when searching for your spouse.
We also need to show empathy and sympathy to the feelings of others. We are all unique as individuals and are unlikely to have the same viewpoints as each other, please respect each other’s opinions even when you disagree.
- Manage your messages
Always ensure your reply to all your messages even if you feel that the person who contacted you is not the one. Remember someone has taken the time to contact you please be considerate and take the time to respond. What’s more if someone has decided that you are not the one for them, thank them and move on.
- Never use offensive or ill-mannered language
There is no reason for disrespectful or offensive behaviour. It only demonstrates poor communication and social skills. Remember a potential husband or wife may be put off someone if they decide to use ill-mannered comments even when they seem justified. Most online sites including MatureMuslimMatrimony.com usually reserves the right to suspend anyone who it is deemed of using unpleasant, obscene or aggressive language. It is equally important to report any member who is not conducting themselves in an Islamic or ethical manner.
- Be able to make a decision
Being a part of any online site & service there are a number of factors which we are assuming to be true. One such factor is that every member should be in a position to make the decision and get married should the right person be found.
Too often we find members procrastinate when a potential spouse is found. This can be very frustrating for all involved. We truly recommend that you take your time in your search; do dua & salat-e-istikhara, always enlist the help of friends, family, wali etc.
Always ensure that all the stakeholders in the process, parents, siblings, friends, wali/mehram etc. are aware of the fact that you are searching online for a spouse. It will make it so much easier for them to approve your choice once they see that you are happy and are able to commit to marriage.
Hasan bin ‘Ali (May Allah be pleased with them) said:
I remember (these words) from Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) “Give up what is doubtful to you for that which is not doubtful; for truth is peace of mind and falsehood is doubt”.
- Always involve your Wali / Mehram
MMM advises sisters always ensure that the mehram/wali/guardian is involved during the search process. A mehram/wali can often give you the guidance and wisdom which an individual often overlooks. A mehram/wali can also look at a proposal in an objective way and ask the meaningful questions which are often overlooked by the individuals themselves.
Abu Musa (May Allah be pleased with him) narrated that: the Messenger of Allah said: “There is no marriage except with a Wali.”
We hope you have found these tips useful and pray they guide you in your search for your future spouse. Please remember the Mature MuslimMatrimony.com team in your du’as also. Thank you.